Clipping Away at Anger

RECENTLY I BECAME SO ANGRY OVER A SIMPLE MOTHERLY TASK.  A TASK I HAVE DONE COUNTLESS TIMES SINCE BRINGING OUR CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD.  A TASK THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS NOT DIFFICULT.  HOWEVER, IT IS A TASK THAT REQUIRES COMPLIANCE ON THE PART OF MY WEE ONES.  AND, IF YOU HAVE THE PLEASURE OF INTERACTING WITH TODDLERS ON A REGULAR BASIS, COMPLIANT WOULD MOST LIKELY NOT BE THE FIRST WORD THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD WHEN DESCRIBING CHILDREN OF THIS FASCINATINGLY FRUSTRATING AND FANTASTICAL AGE.

JUST LOOK AT THOSE FACES. 

HOW ON EARTH IS IT POSSIBLE TO BECOME ANGRY WHEN STARING RIGHT INTO THE FACES OF LITTLE ANGELS?

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IT IS POSSIBLE. 

I HAVE DONE IT.

ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION.

GUILTY.

AS.

CHARGED.

 YET, I HAVE NEVER FULLY UNDERSTOOD MY ANGER AGAINST THEM.   AND, WHILE I'M ABLE TO REPORT THAT I AM NOT OFTEN ANGRY, I AM ACTUALLY QUITE THE OPPOSITE, WHEN FEELINGS OF ANGER DO ARISE I AM TAKEN ABACK BY MY REACTION (OR SHALL I SAY OVERREACTION) TO A SITUATION. 

YESTERDAY, IT WAS OVER THEIR INABILITY TO SIT STILL AND CALMLY OFFER UP THEIR HANDS TO ME SO THAT I COULD ADDRESS THE LENGTH OF THEIR ITTY BITTY NAILS.  TYPICALLY, IT IS THE LITTLE MAN WHO AVOIDS THIS NECESSARY GROOMING, AS IF MY OBJECTIVE IS THE FULL REMOVAL OF HIS NAILS AND NOT JUST THE TIPS.  BUT, ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY IT WAS BOTH SWEET ONES PUTTING UP A FIGHT IN FULL OPPOSITION TO THE TASK AT HAND.  AN EPISODE OF PURE AND RAW DRAMA, AS EACH SLENDER FINGER WAS WITHDRAWN IN FIERCE PROTEST, AS BODIES SQUIRMED IN OBSTINACY AND FACES GRIMACED WITH ANNOYANCE.  YELPS, CRIES, AND OUTBURSTS FLEW FROM THEIR MOUTHS WITH EACH ATTEMPT TO REMEDY THEIR LITTLE CLAWS.  WITH SWEAT ON MY BROW, I DUG DEEP REFUSING TO LET THEIR CHILDISH DISPLAYS SUCCEED IN THWARTING MY BEST EFFORTS TO PROVIDE A SIMPLE MANICURE.  TRUST ME.  THEY NEEDED TO BE CLIPPED.  I HAD THE UNINTENTIONAL SCRATCHES FROM THIS WEEKEND'S TRIP TO THE POOL TO PROVE IT. HOWEVER, WITH EACH CLIP THEIR DISMAY GREW, THEIR SHOUTS INTENSIFIED. 

AND, THAT. IS. WHEN. I. LOST. IT.

OH, THE PARENTAL AGONY WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR BEHAVIOR HAS BECOME MORE CHILDISH THAN YOUR OFFSPRING'S.  IN ALL HONESTY, IF A BLUE RIBBON HAD BEEN AWARDED FOR BEST IN SHOW, THE THREE OF US WOULD HAVE TIED FOR FIRST.  WE EACH LEFT THE SCENE WOUNDED, WEARY, AND IN NEED OF REFRESHMENT.  (GATORADE, ANYONE?)

THAT EVENING, AS I TUCKED OUR LITTLE ONES IN FOR THE NIGHT AFTER A LONG AFTERNOON, I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE RIGHT THE WRONG THAT OCCURRED EARLIER IN THE DAY.  I PRAYED OVER OUR SON, COMMITTING HIS STRONG SPIRIT INTO THE CARE OF HIS HEAVENLY FATHER, AND SUBMITTING MY OWN WILLFUL SPIRIT BEFORE THE THRONE.  IN A PRECIOUS MOMENT OF QUIET, I SPOKE TENDERLY TO OUR DAUGHTER, ASKING FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND APOLOGIZING FOR MY ATTITUDE AND EARLIER OUTBURST.  WITH A TWINKLE IN HER EYE AND A CROOKED SMILE PEAKING OUT FROM BENEATH HER SIPPY CUP, SHE GRACIOUSLY ACCEPTED MY APOLOGY WITH THE SWEET SINCERITY AND INNOCENCE ONLY A CHILD CAN OFFER.   AND, ALL WAS AS IT SHOULD BE. 

***

THIS MORNING AS I POURED OVER THE PAGES OF MY LATEST READ, IN A CHAPTER TITLED "THE REWARDS OF KINDNESS," I WAS ENCOURAGED TO GAIN INSIGHT AND CLARITY ON THE ISSUE OF ANGER.  (HOW GRACIOUS OF THE LORD TO PROVIDE ME WITH THIS PERFECTLY TIMED READ ONLY HOURS AFTER THE CLIPPING INCIDENT.)

[Expressions of anger reveal sinful desires in our hearts, cravings that are not being satisfied. Dr. David Powlison offers this description of sinful anger: 'I want my way and not God's way and because I can't have my way, I rage.'  As it says in James 4:1-2, 'What is it that causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?  Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?  You desire and do not have.'

So, what do I want that I'm not getting?  Am I craving peace and quiet, convenience and ease, a clean and orderly house, appreciation and recognition?  Or do I long to get even, inflict hurt, be right, win the argument?  Whatever it is, we need to recognize that 'wanting my way' is really the driving force that propels our anger.] 

from Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney

"CRAVINGS THAT ARE NOT BEING SATISFIED."  NOW, I AM A WOMAN OF MANY CRAVINGS,  JUST ASK MY HUSBAND.  BUT, I HAD NEVER CONNECTED THE IDEA OF MY HEART'S CRAVINGS TO MY OUTBURSTS OF ANGER.  THE QUARRELS THAT EXIST WITHIN THE WALLS MY HOME, ARE A DIRECT RESULT OF THE PASSIONS THAT WAGE WAR WITHIN THE CHAMBERS OF MY HEART.  THE BATTLE THAT WAS FOUGHT OVER A SIMPLE MOTHERLY TASK WAS NOT REALLY A BATTLE OVER NAIL CLIPPERS AT ALL.  RATHER IT WAS BATTLE OVER MY INNER DESIRES OF CONVENIENCE ("JUST LET ME QUICKLY CUT YOUR NAILS."), QUIET ("PLEASE SIT BACK, AND STOP YELLING."), AND AN ORDERLY HOUSE (PLEASE ALLOW ME TO MAINTAIN WHAT I PERCEIVE TO BE THE PROPER NAIL CLIPPING SCHEDULE.)

WHEN YOU FIRST BECOME A MOTHER AND THAT BEAUTIFUL BABE IS LAID UPON YOUR CHEST, YOU NEVER IMAGINE YOURSELF LOOSING YOUR TEMPER WITH THAT CHILD, BECOMING AGITATED BY THEIR ACTIONS, OR DOING ANYTHING BUT LOVING THEM EACH AND EVERY DAY OF THEIR LITTLE LIFE. 

I AM LEARNING TO LIVE BEYOND THE FAIRY TALES OF MOTHERHOOD AND EMBRACE THE BEAUTIFUL REALITIES OF IT.  NO MOTHER, CHILD RELATIONSHIP IS WITHOUT FLAWS, BECAUSE WE ARE FLAWED AND SINFUL BEINGS.   THIS IS A HARD TRUTH TO SWALLOW, BUT ONCE DIGESTED IT FREES US TO DISCOVER THE GRACE THAT IS EXTENDED DAILY TO US FROM ABOVE AS WE SEEK TO BE THE BEST POSSIBLE MOTHER TO OUR CHILDREN, LOVING THEM FIERCELY THROUGH EACH DAY.  RECOGNIZING THAT I AM A WOMAN AND MOTHER WITH MANY CRAVINGS, IT IS MY JOB TO PRIORITIZE  MY PASSIONS, FEEDING THOSE THAT HONOR MY LORD, MY HUSBAND, AND CHILDREN AND PUTTING STRICT RESTRICTIONS ON THOSE THAT DO NOT. 

MY PRAYER IS THAT EACH DAY MY PASSION FOR PARTICIPATING IN OUR CHILDREN'S DELICATE AND IMPRESSIONABLE  LIVES SUPERSEDES ANY OTHER MOTHERLY DUTY OR HOUSEHOLD PASSION I MAY HAVE.  AND, I WILL ADMIT TO BEING A VERY PASSIONATE HOUSEWIFE. (INSERT ROSY-CHEEKED CHUCKLE)

WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT TODAY?